"I didn't know I would mouth my heart to you in this way. Nor did I ever know that I would actually be doing this since I thought, you knew me more than me. You came as a sudden cold breeze, kissed every bit of my skin and soul, and finally melted into every pour of mine, killing away all the heat from my within, that was slowly consuming me bit by bit, since ages. You loved me like a mother, pampered me like a father and faught with me like a friend. There were dreams that 'we' saw, there were smiles that decorated 'our' lips, out of our togetherness, there were hugs,kisses and more that loved happening at times because 'we' needed them as expressions, there was 'our' love that was better than anything else in the universe, and then there was an 'us' in everything that was happening in our lives.
But then, you turned a little sore. You moved on, with other things and I took that backseat in your life. I know those things are important for you. I know you need them. But now, I doubt the fact if I am important to you as much as I used to. We are slowly turning to 'You' and 'Me'. 'Our' moments no longer thrive upon our time that we should give to each other but we don't. But the moments now thrive upon the time that you either have or don't have for me. Where do I stand in your life now? Do I really have some life still left, in our story or I am left to be .I know I annoy you more than you could handle. But how do I let you know that what you see is not my anger. It is all that pain that I go through out of what all has happened so far that scares the hell out me if you notice my scars, out of realizing that maybe you don't. How do I share all that struggle that I go through, coming to terms with the fact that I don't find you interested.
How do I explain to you that relationships don't stand upon mere love. They need the feet of adjustments and time. They need both people to work upon. You tell me a hundred times a day that you love me. But can you state even a single effort that you have been doing to prove it? I try harder every day, to find my feet in your life at this moment where you have a hundred things to handle and eventually I fail feeling them. They are numb. I try harder, to be your best friend but you don't let me be.I am still waiting. I am waiting for the moment when you would realize that I am waiting. I am waiting for the moment when you will wait for me too, someday.
The only thing that I fear is realizing that I was just a toy for you. I fear if you would never realize what I want to make you do. I fear losing you. I love you, so much so that with each breathe that I take, I realize that I have someone besides my family, to live for- you. I fear if I don't matter to you anymore. I just want the old 'us' back."
She rehersed it a million times and every time, tears accompanied her words. She knew she would never be able to say it to him, at face . And every time she cried, she felt needless to explain it all that was in her heart to her love. She feared if he would escape, carrying away those bits of her with him. She feared being broken by a man, again. And she slept every night, with tears and fears.
But then, you turned a little sore. You moved on, with other things and I took that backseat in your life. I know those things are important for you. I know you need them. But now, I doubt the fact if I am important to you as much as I used to. We are slowly turning to 'You' and 'Me'. 'Our' moments no longer thrive upon our time that we should give to each other but we don't. But the moments now thrive upon the time that you either have or don't have for me. Where do I stand in your life now? Do I really have some life still left, in our story or I am left to be .I know I annoy you more than you could handle. But how do I let you know that what you see is not my anger. It is all that pain that I go through out of what all has happened so far that scares the hell out me if you notice my scars, out of realizing that maybe you don't. How do I share all that struggle that I go through, coming to terms with the fact that I don't find you interested.
How do I explain to you that relationships don't stand upon mere love. They need the feet of adjustments and time. They need both people to work upon. You tell me a hundred times a day that you love me. But can you state even a single effort that you have been doing to prove it? I try harder every day, to find my feet in your life at this moment where you have a hundred things to handle and eventually I fail feeling them. They are numb. I try harder, to be your best friend but you don't let me be.I am still waiting. I am waiting for the moment when you would realize that I am waiting. I am waiting for the moment when you will wait for me too, someday.
The only thing that I fear is realizing that I was just a toy for you. I fear if you would never realize what I want to make you do. I fear losing you. I love you, so much so that with each breathe that I take, I realize that I have someone besides my family, to live for- you. I fear if I don't matter to you anymore. I just want the old 'us' back."
She rehersed it a million times and every time, tears accompanied her words. She knew she would never be able to say it to him, at face . And every time she cried, she felt needless to explain it all that was in her heart to her love. She feared if he would escape, carrying away those bits of her with him. She feared being broken by a man, again. And she slept every night, with tears and fears.
its good...n i can understnd the words the feelings and the pain in ur words..:) good luck n keep writing.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Ranjana Ji. It means alot. :)
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